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[18 Aug 2004|07:05pm] |
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RaDiooo.. |
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These are for those of you that don't care for my knife in my icon.
( Green Shirt )
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[17 Aug 2004|07:25pm] |
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It's starting to get hard to like myself. I just continue to do things that I know I shouldn't but yet I still do them. Ehh.
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[16 Aug 2004|07:43pm] |
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Lumidee |
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Hey Hey Folks!
I am very confused I swear I think my life revoles around being confused about the men in my life.
Does this one really like me? Does this one I hang out with all the time really like me more than a friend, etc? On a better note I am very happy I am talking to some old friends that I kinda worked my magic to make it a horrible time the last time we spoke. Even though they were not angels. I am just happy we're talking again. I can't be happy without my friends. I am so bored these days. These days I am not going out so much anymore because of the job change. But I am ready to hang out. Any takers let me know. Also if any of you need glasses, contacts, just want an exam, or just have a question come up and see me at the Wally World. We will get you hooked up so you can see again. The parent folks are doing good which is always good. I am living the good life right now I guess you could say. I finally love going to work, I have a new car and loving it. I am alive, I have plenty of money most of time which is good. But there is that hole I still have. I may talk to, and see quite a bit of men but I miss and need the companionship of a man. Then I could really say my life is perfect. But until then I'll keep pretending I am not "looking". There are so many possibles in my life but I know they probably don't want that. So back to what I see before I am so confused. Should I not care and go wild or care and stay in my box?
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[11 Aug 2004|07:52pm] |
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Sorry guys. I have been so busy and up and down that I haven't wrote in here for so long.
So many things going on in my life since I've starting working in the vision center in Walmart.
Oh my god I didn't know how much I would love it over there. I am learning quite a bit and loving every minute of it.
I got myself a new car, a 01 honda accord. I just put a new stereo in it and the wheels are the next thing on my list.
If anyone knows a website or place around time with a decent tire/rim package (meaning both for under $850) let me know.
I would really like some Sport Max or ALT racing types. I will hope to write more in the coming days. Right now I am just not in the mood, I just stopped by to let everyone know I'm still here and missed talking with you. And I'm back. I may post some pictures I just took, depends if I don't get too sleepy doing it. :)
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[21 Jun 2004|12:10am] |
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BET tv Musica |
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I hate the fact that I can only express my feelings on paper and not by mouth. Like is there is so much difference in the two. This post was inspired by my long time ex, that, last night I hooked up with. I do know that my be too much info for some of you but this is my journal and I write what I write so oh well. I know he is going to read this and I'm glad maybe he'll really know how I feel about last night and our future without doubt. I just don't know how someone can just pick up from one point in your life, say 3 years later and act like it's really nothing. Like the time hadn't passed, you hadn't grown and moved on. I do have feelings for Ricardo but I just don't know about it all. I really need alot of attention and he can't give it to me while he's living in Miami and me in Jacksonville. Also it just isn't possible for me to move in with him down there. Like you said hun if I come down there it may just end up making things worse but over time you being there and me being here won't work out any better. It's weird how I just got over Luis and I'm already like back in with Ricardo, but I really don't know, I think I was really with Luis for just the thought of him. He was fine, sooo sexy, and everyone told me so when they seen him, girl stared, and the whole nine. So that may have took over and I think he really wasn't in it either because as quickly as he told me "I love you", he was leaving me hanging without even a "goodbye". But Ricardo on the other hand, in my experience with him and other men, in my opinion he has been the only boyfriend that was actually my boyfriend. Even though back when, in the beginning I figured him for just like the rest and it's been almost 3 years now and still wants to be with me, that sounds like something special. Maybe I am just scared of him. I have been out with so many men with a bigger fear of commitment then me and it was always so much easier and fun. But yet what is ironic all the while I was with these men I was dreaming of wedding dresses and etc. When I think of Ricardo I think of the actual marriage and I want to run. I want to joke and brush him off. I think he is too good for me, he is devoted and loyal and a wonderful man. I am just so confused, I want all this commitment, ball and chain, shit like that when there is no way of me getting it but when it's sitting in my passenger seat with me I want to run from it. He is also the only one thats been my valentine. Only one my parents loved more than I loved. Only one my parents told me to talk to, to give another chance. Other then my commitment thing that can be worked on, is that I really don't think he will be coming back to Jacksonville and also I don't think he is going to be moving anywhere within atleast an hour's drive. So that is the biggest problem. Distance. I hate this why can't we go back to when we would go out then go back to his house and do whatever, I got to play with roger and see Ricardo whenever I wanted to because he was just over the way and it was nice. Things were so nice and simple. I miss that.
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| Garfield |
[14 Jun 2004|06:03pm] |
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My family went to the movies and saw Garfield. It was very cute by my scale. I don't really know what to update. I never really know I know this is suppose to be for what I'm thinking and etc. All I really think about is how am I gonna keep going to work when I hate it. Are Luis and me really over? Is my Dad really going to get over this money and smoking problem he has.
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| A RAy of HOPe |
[14 Jun 2004|11:59am] |
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They have an openning in the vision center. I may get it if no one else is trying to get it.
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[10 Jun 2004|09:01pm] |
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I think I am going to walk into Margo's office and tell her I want to transfer because I am sick of being at the damn register. Damnit yes I don't know if you guys know but I am at the register and have been for a month now because they want me to quit. And when I try to get into a dept they find out and then hire someone for it instead of letting me work over there it is so funny how that works. There is too much shit going on here that I can't take it anymore. I am fed up with it. I don't know what else to say.
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[08 Jun 2004|01:07pm] |
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I am trying to become a model. I am finally trying, I've always dreamed but now I am going to go out there and try to make it. I found this website that seems to be on the up and up so I joinned it and threw a few pictures up. I have actually had a few photographers from Jax send me messages. But I am a little scared, never done a photo shoot and I don't know if these guys really aren't killers, ya know?!Here's the link to my page on there if you guys/gals wanna check it. Please tell me if you care for my pictures.
Me the wannabe -> http://www.onemodelplace.com/member.cfm?ID=97454
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| Chey's letter idea. |
[07 Jun 2004|12:59pm] |
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Dear Dad,
I don’t really know how to begin this, but this is a letter of love and concern. Please do not get mad, try to keep calm throughout the letter and do not come to me and ask about this, deal? I wanted to do this in a way that is comfortable to you and me. I want to talk to you about this and I know you don’t want to hear it so you can read this when you want. Or when you have nothing else to do, or put it off as long as you want but you know you will have to read this sometime. I am very worried about your health and general well being. I think your not taking care of yourself when you should the most. I know you smoke, I know you have to know we at least suspect it. I know I am not your mother and even if I was I couldn’t tell you to stop. But I can tell you that I want you to quit. You know, even if you don’t want to see it, that smoking is hurting you. You think that you just have a bad case of the heartburn? When in reality smoking is tearing up your esophagus and your stomach. I know I am no doctor, but I can read and I do read. “Statistics indicate that more than 12 million Americans have died from smoking since the 1964 report of the surgeon general, and another 25 million Americans alive today will most likely die of a smoking-related illness. Some of these diseases are cataracts, pneumonia, acute myeloid leukemia, abdominal aortic aneurysm, stomach cancer, pancreatic cancer, cervical cancer, kidney cancer and periodontitis and others. The adverse health effects from cigarette smoking account for 440,000 deaths, or nearly 1 of every 5 deaths, each year in the United States. More deaths are caused each year by tobacco use than by all deaths from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), illegal drug use, alcohol use, motor vehicle injuries, suicides, and murders combined. A doctor from the study said it is never too late to stop smoking. Quitting smoking at age 65 or older reduces by nearly 50 percent a person's risk of dying of a smoking-related disease.” I don’t know if you know any of this information so I put these quotes from a few things I’ve read. All I say is you hear me out, think about it. You may of already thought of it or figured you couldn’t, if you really want to I can and will help you. I never see you dad, I think it is so ridiculous I have to call you when you live here, in the same house! I can understand you seeking solitude sometimes, I like to be alone myself, but shutting yourself away in that building all day isn’t healthy for this family. I still have yet to understand since Kevin has left that you sleep in the building and not with mom anymore. I can understand once and a while not being able to sleep and maybe feeling asleep out there but not every night dad. I want back the dad I use to look up to so long ago, the dad I was connected to at the hip. I remember the first time I suspected it, when we first went to the comic book store and you were looking to trade some of your comic and I said that they smelled bad. You got so mad with me and I’ve kept my mouth shut this whole time about this and my feelings put away in a nice pretty bottle in the corner of my room. I can’t go on like this anymore dad. Please don’t think that I should mind my business, or that I know nothing of what you do or stop trying to run your life. I am simply making a suggestion to make sure that my dad is around to see me get married, have kids, and become what I’ve always wanted to become. I don’t know what you will think of me or how you will react to all of this but please think about this let it go all the way in, and then react. To sum this all up in a nice little sentence, I only miss my dad and I want to protect him so that he will always be around. I know you don’t want to see a doctor but I really think it would be a good idea for you to have a check up. Simple fact is I don’t know what to do, should I stand idly by and watch you kill yourself, or should I tell you how I feel and risk you getting pissed at me? I think I’d rather live with you hating me then to live without you. I am not trying to attack you in any way, I just want what’s best for you, and I love you.
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| Out Back Jack Chick.. |
[07 Jun 2004|01:40am] |
She's from Jax... she must win or Jax will never be the same!
Laura
Age:
21
Hometown:
Jacksonville, FL. Currently attending Flagler College.
Describe yourself in one word:
Fabulous
Favorite designer:
Betsey Johnson
Most outrageous thing you've done for love:
Brush my teeth.
Date Pet Peeves:
Someone that is cheap, doesn't know how to match his clothes, boring and complains a lot.
What do you expect to get out of the show?
An experience that I would not get elsewhere.
From her answers she is a snob looking to just be on tv.
..Isn't everyone..
http://tbssuperstation.com/series/outbackjack/contestants/0,,16288,00.html/
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| Nice one lover! |
[07 Jun 2004|01:24am] |
Jacked from Chey! Once Again!
| mi_ojos_verdes's LJ stalker is mikkolim! | | mikkolim is stalking you because they saw your picture and fell in love.. They are also slowly poisoning you! |
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| The Dad Rant.. |
[07 Jun 2004|01:06am] |
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You know I really am sick of him. He is my dad no doubt, and I will always love him. I really don't understand how he can think coming in from outside in his little hellhole outside and asking what are you watching in between his way to the bathroom and his snack break a real warm father-daughter relationship. I see it as a pitiful attempt. He doesn't have to spend all his waking hours in the four walls of "male sanctuary". Dad doesn't sleep in the same bed as mom anymore, which I think is weird. It's been going on for a while now, about 3 months I would say. Up in the day he'll come in for his routine bathroom stop and if I'm up his , "hey, what are you doing up?" speech, as he steps in the bathroom. Then he'll stumble into the bed in the house and sleep. I don't get it. I can understand seeking sometime alone, even I enjoy that, but I think I've spent maybe all of eight hours with my dad in a whole month. I remember when I was younger when I use to feel so safe when I fell asleep to the sounds of the tv going at night, it was my dad watching his boxing or whatever. Sometimes I would stay up as long as I could and even at time fall asleep on the couch and he would carry me to bed. Those were the days when dad was dad. What happened to him? Now I can't even stand for him to touch my hand. I hate to say it but he makes me sick. I swear all he does is smoke, sleep, eat, and pretend to be working on something. He never showers so his smell is what is making me sick and why he reaches to touch me I move, as much as I wish I could bear it I can't. But I continue to play it off as growing up and not wanting all this childish affection, when inside I wish he would take better care of himself so I can look up to him once again and welcome his affection. I fucking wish that damn building outside would burn to the ground so he would be forced to spend time with us. No more hiding out, no more place to smoke when you think we don't know when in reality we know you fucking do. He goes on and on about his pain he is having and all I can think is that this smoking is and will kill him. Very soon. I don't know if I could really handle that right now. He refuses to go see a doctor because he knows what he will say, stop smoking, it's killing you damnit.
For some they can smoke twenty packs a day and live full and well until they're hundred and some don't.
I am afraid my dad won't be one of the lucky ones. I almost want to one day to say one day when he comes in and says what are watching, I'll say... watching you die.
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[05 Jun 2004|09:40pm] |
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Ok so he came to see me tonight, Luis. I don't know what to think anymore. One second I am ready to give up and the next second I get a ray of light. I am so confused. All I know is that damn cute face fucked me up when I really wanted to be mad as shit at him. I was happy to see him, so very happy. But he has sooo much making up to do. I'll be elated to collect on those debts. Monday grows near and my smile grows wider. I stole this layout out of my dear buddy's memories when I seen another person post in her journal asking her about it, I changed it a little but I did steal a little of it. Thanks Chey. More on tomorrow's update when he comes over to the house. I hope he likes his poem I am going to give him for his late, late birthday (5/10/04).
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[05 Jun 2004|08:53am] |
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Mountain DeeeeWWW |
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I cleaned off my desk today I feel good about it, I don't know why but I really feel good about it. I am just really tired of everything going on in my life, not one specific thing, just everything. I am tired of my job, this so-called boyfriend of mine, my education, everything but my desk. I need a friend to crawl into my bed with me and listen to me rumble on and on about how my life sucks, because talking to myself is not helping and it's only making me crazier. I really don't how my life was so great only a month ago, well work has sucked for a while now but the boyfriend stuff just kicked in. You guys don't know all the details and I don't really care to share them but just know that me and Luis are better well through with for one reason or another. He was gone for about 2 and half weeks to puerto rico to see his mother and when he got back about a week or so ago he chose to not see me and I haven't seen him since then. I can't get a hold of him at all, talked to him friends and they know nothing, which is a lie but it's cool I just wish he could of been a man about it. But I am going to cool it from dating anyone. I am so sick of these assholes I seem to attach to myself. I've talked to an ex of mine recently, Ricardo. I really don't know what to think of this with him. I can't believe it's been 3 years almost since he moved to Miami and left me. But I won't really get into that but I am very confused about how I should feel about him. Besides all the bullshit and lies and normal crap that happens in the course of a day, I'm happy to atleast be alive. Bye.
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| Laundry Day! |
[24 May 2004|07:30am] |
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I love a break from work, who doesn't? I relish in it, enjoy it throughly. I bought myself a couple new cd's and I'm listening to them. I think it's funny that no matter how much I like the band/artist the first time I hear most of the songs I don't like the majority of them for one reason or another. But I force myself to listen to it as much as I can stand it because I paid 12 or 13 dollars for it or when I'm lucky 10 dollars. After a few times around the laser in my cd player it starts, all of a sudden to sound better and better, odd enough I end up liking atleast 4 or 5 more than I started out liking. It is amazing to me. I just got back from working out a little while ago and I had fun as I usually do just wish I'd hurry up and lose this weight, blah. 3 more day baby yeah! Anyway I am bored and thats really the only update, hope you guys are doing well, until tomorrow. Or maybe later. :Muah:
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[23 May 2004|12:45pm] |
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Hello little people. Since it's already tomorrow I have 4 more days before my baby comes home I am quite happy about that it seems like fucking forever. I had a good a day as possible. On wednesday I start the transfer process at work. I want to go to Normandy. Hopefully to their electronics dept, I loved working in that dept, I know some shit about the stuff in it and it was so cool helping people out with shit I actually knew ya know. When they had a computer question or a dvd player question I usually knew it. I was getting better at answering cd questions and tv questions. I was good also with the dvd and vhs movies. Basically I should of applied for that dept in the first place. It's just this store thats going into the shitter and very quick like, the management is something to be desired, only a few are worth a shit and the rest should be canned. But ya know since I'm gonna be getting out of there I won't be speaking of stresses anymore. It's done and over with and I'm way over it so I will let it die. But other than the normal stuff nothing really is going on. I can't believe how boring I am sometimes and then other times I am exciting! :P Blah It'll pick up soon, right?
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[22 May 2004|10:32pm] |
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God. I need some affection.
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[22 May 2004|01:49pm] |
Sorry that the pictures are soo big. :P
( Randoms.. )
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| This is me... |
[22 May 2004|11:02am] |
Ok ok... so the picture is a little old, it's some months back when my hair was really curly, I loved it really curly so I had to post this as my first picture for the journal.
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